I used to dream of looking like a Victoria’s Secret fashion model.
I remember sitting on the couch one wintery evening watching the fashion show with a bowl of popcorn on my lap. I was amazed at the stunning outfits & gorgeous singers but most of all the near-perfect bodies that strolled across the screen.
The long legs, perfectly curled hair, toned abs, slim shoulders, and skinny thighs.
I wanted to look like them.
- Their thighs didn’t rub together when they walked.
- Their bellies didn’t jiggle.
- Their legs weren’t short and muscular.
- They didn’t have a single blemish.
Why couldn’t I look like her?
If I’m being completely honest, there has been a parade of women over the years that I have wanted to look. Each had something that I didn’t.
Near perfect skin, long legs, height, or a “perfectly” toned body.
And to be truthful, I think most women could say the same.
How, as women, have we gotten so far from our own selves? To be so interested in celebrating someone else’s body without a second thought of our own?
Comparison is a huge piece of many women’s lives, whether we want to admit it or not. We can sometimes walk into a room and instantly survey who’s there.
But if we aren’t careful, it’s used as a tool to bring ourselves down. Make ourselves feel unworthy and less-than.
That certainly has happened to me.
After watching the Fashion Show that year, I started to diet. And dieting led me on a down-ward spiral to an eating disorder and years of being at war with my body.
Now, to be fair, I am not blaming other women or even comparison for eating disorders or struggling with food. I am just saying it can be a slippery slope.
So how can we move through thoughts like “why don’t I look like her” and make it to the other side a beautiful and capable woman who stands strong in her own power?
By keeping our eyes in our own lane.
- I stopped watching Victoria’s Secret Fashion Shows because I knew it wasn’t a healthy thing for me personally to be investing my time into.
- I stopped following certain people on social media that triggered me.
- I discontinued subscriptions to fashion and health magazines that no longer served me.
- I created boundaries around what I was and wasn’t okay with to allow me to only focus on myself.
By focusing on yourself and keeping your eyes in your own lane, you have the space and capacity to recognize your own greatness and uniqueness that can be overshadowed (if you allow it) by viewing other forms of media (magazines, social media, fashion shows, etc).
You start to become more comfortable with yourself and are more aware of who you are because you can give yourself the time and space you need to discover it.
That’s a beautiful thing.
Now I no longer want to look like a fashion model because:
- I know that’s not my ideal weight
- I am built completely different than a 5’ 10’ model (something I wasn’t able to celebrate until I turned down the volume on external noise)
- I have no desire to put my peace of mind on the line for a body that is not maintainable for me.
I truly believe there will always be women we look at and wonder why we can’t look more like them. That’s a part of life.
But recognizing that just the presence of that thought can teach us something beautiful about ourselves is an amazing thing.
I have learned to love my thighs, even though they rub together when I walk because they have carried me over mountains and across the ocean to far away places. I have run thousands of miles with them and won countless races.
But I would not have been so keen on discovering these things if comparison wasn’t there pointing it out to me. That’s the beauty.
It allows you to look deeper within yourself, discover what it is about the other person that is triggering you, and reflect on that about yourself.
Maybe you want more toned abs because you associate them with being fit or more loved. You can sit with that and ask yourself why you feel that way and if that is serving you.
Comparison is a beautiful tool that can be used as a reflective mirror back at yourself. A guide to your beliefs and what you hold true for yourself.
Discovering and breaking down some of those beliefs is the whole point.
So you can change your “why can’t I look more like her” to “how can I look more like me?”
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