I used to be the girl who constantly put all my faith in the future. It was amazing how happy I was going to be when I became someone new.
- “When I get thin, then I’ll finally be happy.”
- “I’ll really be content when I lose those last 5 pounds.”
- “When I finally learn how to eat intuitively then I’ll be happy.”
- “After I get my first job, then I’ll finally be “there” and I’ll be happy.”
- “When I finally get engaged, then things will be great.”
I put all my hope in “then”, “when”, and “if only” instead of living where I was. Life was going to be absolutely fabulous when I was eating intuitively all the time, wearing a size 2 bikini on the beach on my honeymoon, and finally in my dream job. But in the meantime, I settled for feeling pretty unhappy.
And it was miserable.
When you are basing your happiness on a future point in time that may or may not even happen (aka in a new job, living in a new state, at a size 2, in a new relationship, or getting married), you are robbing yourself of the bulk of life. The messy parts. The part where life actually happens. The place where you have to be or, hate to say it, you’ll keep missing out on your entire life.
The reality is, you never really get “there”. The bar just keeps getting higher and higher.
- When you finally lose those 5 pounds, you don’t feel content and losing 5 more pounds sounds appealing.
- When you finally move to a new city, you realize things aren’t that much different and you start convincing yourself that happiness is somewhere else.
Happiness is in the in-between bits.
It’s not the about the end goal.
It’s not even about living in a new place, being in a new relationship, or finally being out of school and starting “real life”.
Happiness is all about being comfortable with where you are right now. It’s about living in the in-between moments. The parts where you say, “I’m not there yet but I’m content with being okay with how things are now”.
The best way to measure your happiness truly isn’t how fast you get to your “destination”. It’s not even whether you get to your destination at all.
It’s about living comfortably in between.
- Letting go of the all or nothing mentality and deciding to inhabit the nice place in between.
- Learning to tell your inner mean girl to shut up already and choose kindness instead.
- Cultivating courage and compassion for yourself and letting go of anything else.
- It’s about feeling everything and not jumping right into “fix-it” mode. It’s about shifting away from judgment to a place of curiosity.
- It’s about ending the “I should” mindset and learning what you want and need instead.
- It’s about ending the constant attempt to be perfect, or better, or improved. It’s about embracing the realness of your life right now.
These days, I measure my happiness by how alive I feel. By the smile on my face in the mirror in the morning and the energy, I have for the day. It has nothing to do with the size of my body because that is a constant, never-ending uphill battle.
Happiness is part of the journey, not just the destination.
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